calculated, and not a machine. And emperor Kilby was short with them, and said unto them, 'no, you
twits! a machine which calculates!' And the minions did say 'oh, OK, gotcha', and they did go forth and
toil, and toiled some more, until there came forth the beast with the eight baleful red eyes, and it was
named the DataMath 2500, but the ways of the marketing witches are strange and without reason. And
lo! the common people could add, and subtract, and multiply, and divide, either from batteries or the
AC line, and there was much rejoicing.
But those among the common people who did toil at mathematics, and science, and engineering, and
the other arcane arts; they did sniff and say 'verily, but my rule which slides doth more than this, and
surely without electricity to boot'. And so they were not amused. But then one among them, one
emperor Hewlett of the HP empire, had mercy and decreed to his slaving minions, that there would be
a scientific pocket calculator. And those minions did toil, and toil even more, and the beast HP-35 did in
good time issue forth. And it was named for the number of keys it had, because, in those quaint times,
the marketing witches did not hold sway in the HP empire. And all the subjects of the empire saw that it
was good, very good in fact, and they danced and made merry in their caves, and cried 'Rejoice, and
be glad! for now we shall surely crush the TI infidels, much like small insects!'
But it came to pass that the TI subjects were not, in fact, crushed like small insects. For instead their
leaders held council, and consulted with sages and marketing witches, who told them 'Go forth and
market your tiny mathematicians to those apprentices who study, for while they may have student IDs,
they have not great wealth, and they lust after the little boxes with red numbers, that they may spend
less time in study and more time making merry. And heed not the anquished wails and howling of
those who teach, their cries will come to naught as does chaff on the wind.'
And thus did holy jihad commence, and the empires of HP and TI did do battle most bloody and vile.
Both empires sent multitudes of beasts and riders into the fray, and verily it came to pass that the HP
empire did prevail with those who toiled for coin at the arcane arts, and the TI empire did prevail with
the young apprentices. This, even though the beasts of TI were weak of display and key, and often
died early in battle. But they were legion, and they were cheap, and the apprentices had not great
wealth, etc, etc.
And jihad raged on, and a great many beasts passed on to their just rewards, with their shields or on
them, until the fateful day the HP empire unleashed a leviathan, and the name of the leviathan was
48SX, and 48SX had not a one-line eye, but an eye of hundreds of pixels, and 48SX did not just
tedious calculations with numbers, but manipulated the magick symbols of Al-Jabr, and 48SX did not
just speak of number, but painted and drew and sang, and communed much with larger calculating
beasts. And those of the battle plain were stricken dumb, for all knew the leviathan was the true king.
So once again the leaders of the TI empire consulted much with their marketing witches, who did divine
and labour frantically at the entrails of small animals, and cast many spells. And the witches did say
'Lo! though the teachers of apprentices wail and lament with vigour at your reign, you may yet bewitch
them with their own spells. For though they fear the calculating beasts, they do lust after tenure and job
security. Do go forth and beguile them with with many free calculating beasts, and seduce them with
much, much swag, and speak often at their covens in their tongue. Verily, you will befriend and comfort
and succor them greatly, and they will sing your praise on high to the acquisition committees.' So this
the TI emperors did, and at great length, with much expense in time and coin, and the prognostications
of the marketing witches did come to pass, and the TI empire did flourish.
Still, the true HP king and his heirs did rule for many generations, and his subjects were legion and
loyal, even though they could only speak to the king in his native tongue of arpean. But the years did
pass, and the issue of the king's loins was not distinguished, and was but a pale imitation of the king,
and the HP emperors were bewitched, and slumbered, while the subjects toiled and proclaimed
mightily in the name of their king, and built mighty works in his honor.
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